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BRIBERY; 


<$hq dfitlifopm Semitorhtl (Cecttmt, 


A COMEDY. 


In TIT Acts. 




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BRIBERY; 

OR, THE 

CALIFORNIA SENATORIAL ELECTION. 


-- 

A Comedy, in Three Acts* 

- » >- 


ACT L 

Scene —In Cosmopolitan Hotel, San Franc!sea 

Enter Handerly, a Senatorial Candidate, and Me- 
Quintin . 

Handerly . Well, Me., the Senatorial contest is begin¬ 
ning to be lovely. All the candidates are in the city, on 
their way to the Capital. They will be at the Grand 
Inauguration Ball; and after that the Senatorial ball 
will be fairly opened. 

McQuintin. But, Handerly, you must have a ranch 
in Sacramento; that is, rooms full of wine, brandy and 
whisky, to treat the members of the Legislature, when 
your friends rope them in. That is California style, 
you know. How about your ranch, my friend ? 

Handerly . To tell you the truth, I am not flush in the 
balsa just at this time, and have not yet started my 
ranch. But stay, I have a plan. You have plenty of 
money, and are a candidate for Harbor Commissioner. 
Suppose you take the rooms, purchase the whisky; in 
short, pay all the expenses, and we will be full part¬ 
ners in the ranch. 

McQuintin, Very economical arrangement for you, 
old war-horse of the Democracy; but as it is you, I 
will stand it; it is done. 

Handerly. You know, if I had the “ spondulics, ” 
Me., no one would come down with them more like a 
man. 




McQuiniin. That is so. And now, Handerly, honor 
bright. What do you think my chances are for Har¬ 
bor Commissioner ? Have yon ever heard, among the 
boys, airy objection to me ? 

Handerly. Well, as to your chances, to be candid, 
Me., that will depend very much upon how you come 
down with the ready cash. Judging from the 
appearance of these members, as they come in, I think 
they are “on it.” And as to objections, I never heard 
any serious objections to you, in my life. 

McQuiniin. But, Handerly, what is your strength; 
name the members that will vote for you. 

Handerly , (a little confused.) Well, I have a great 
deal of general strength: but I can’t exactly mention 
any one that is going to vote for me. I had rather not 
particularize. 

McQidntin . Oh, d—n it, Handerly, what is the use 
to talk nonsense, and beat round the bush. A r ou must 
have some member to put you in nomination in the 
caucus. You must have a starter, Handerly. Who 
is your starter ? 

Handerly. Well, there is Cuton. If I had $500, I 
could get Cuton, at least for a few ballots; and, as you 
say, by way of ‘ ‘ starter. ” 

McQidntin. Well, Handerly, mark me; I would not 
buy votes for myself, but here is $500, and if you choose 
to purchase, that is your own morality. 

(H. takes the money, and starts full tilt for Cuton.) 


Scene 1—In Col. Hodges’ Office, San Francisco. 

Enter Spectator, an ex-F. F. V., and David Portly, 
of the Chivalry. 

Hodges. How now, my faithful friends, how now ? 

Spectator. It is no use talking, Hodges; I have seen 
the boys; they are bound to have some of the lawful 
coin of the realm, or I don’t think they will stand it. 

Hodges. Why, you amaze me! You surely don’t 
mean to tell me that the Chivalry, the pinks of honor, 
the boasted Cavaliers of the South, propose to sell 
themselves, like sheep in the shambles ? 

Spectator. It is even so; there are eighteen members 



of the Legislature of Southern origin, who will not 
vote without an “ ante,” as we say at “poker,” 

Port!//. The fact is, Colonel, the Chivalry say there 
is no difference between voting for you and Eugene 
Castle, so far as politics are concerned; and as Eugene 
comes at them with the broad pieces, his show to get 
them is the best. Could you not raise the wind? 
There is the Steam Company, the California Bank, 
and- 

Hodxjes. I tell you, gentlemen, one thing, I shall not 
disgrace myself in this fight. A public man has a 
right to take care of his friends by Executive appoint¬ 
ments, after his election, as I shall do of all my good 
personal friends, one and all; that is according to 
usage. But I will not stain my hands and reputation 
by offering money, or authorizing it. 

Scene 2.—The Office of Eugene Castle, in San Francisco. 

Enter Father Cotton. 

Eugene Castle. YTelcome, thrice welcome, most Holy 
Father. Whenever I behold you my thoughts turn 
reverently from this wicked world to heaven. Father, 
your blessing. (Kneels.) 

Father Cotton, (laying his hands on Eugene’s head.) 
Receive the blessing and the best wishes of the church, 
faithful lay brother, of the Order of Jesus. Be indus¬ 
trious, use all means, and the Senatorial toga will deck 
your shoulders. Remember, that according to our 
pious creed, the end justifies the means. It is the 
great secret of the success of our Order. The church 
will leave no stone unturned, to crown your ambition 
with success, knowing full well that after your election 
you w T ill be guided by the counsels of the Order of 
Jesus— 

Eugene. Fear not, Reverend Father in God, you 
know, that your ghostly counsels will ever be the guide 
to my actions in the path of duty. 

Enter O'Donnell, a Director in the Irish Bank. 

O'Donnel. Well, friend Eugene, I have good news 
for you. The bank has discounted most liberally. 
Peter O’Dunup, the ironmonger, has come down 
like a prince. You have an unlimited credit in our 



4 


institution, and Father Cotton has taken up a big col¬ 
lection among the Irish servant girls ; the jades 
squirmed a little, but they could not withstand the 
Holy Father’s threats of excommunication. I tell you, 
Eugene, there is nothing like superstition, when you 
want to take up a collection among the faithful. It is 
an unfailing bank, whose deposits no run can exhaust. 
It is a potent institution for which the million have 
toiled for ages, and for which they will continue to 
labor until the final coming of the great fool-killer. 

\_Exunt. 

Eugene, solus. By Saint George, and now the work 
goes bravely on. Already, I begin to clutch the glitter¬ 
ing prize. I fancy I already tread the Senate Cham¬ 
ber; and Irishman, as I am, in all the pride of an 
American Senator. The monied interests I am con¬ 
nected with have come down gloriously with the sinews 
of war. The Irish clans are mustered on my side, 
and the Jesuits, the cunning Jesuits, with their secret, 
stealthy ways, will strain every nerve in my behalf. 
Dear, good, pious Father Cotton! pious, indeed, ha, 
ha, ha! did he not say the end justified the means? It 
was a nice hint which I shall improve. I shall flatter, 
cajole and coax where I can, and buy where I must. 
To the Republicans, I shall confidentially be Repub - 
lican, and to the Chivalry, whom I detest, I shall out- 
Southern the South. The end justifies the means: so 
says the Holy Father Cotton. He vainly thinks that, 
after my election, he can control my course. I under¬ 
stand him. But in the end he will learn, that I can 
out-Jesuit all such Jesuits as he. Eugene Castle is no 
‘ ‘ sardine. ” My faith is a rational faith, so long as the 
Church and the Irish contribute to my ambition and 
profit. 

Scene 3. —Room at the Cosmopolitan. 

Enter Haywood and Elios. 

Haywood. Well, friend Elias, what are the signs on 
the Senatorial horizon ? 

Elias. Not encouraging. Our Southern .member of 
the Legislature, Jack Walton, was found laced to the 
wall this morning. 

Haywood. I don’t take. 


5 


Elias. He gravely informed me that he had won a 
thousand dollars at a game. Ijsaid “what game, Jack;” 
he replied, “why, this new fashionable game called the 
Senatorial rub.” That let me out. He said, “times 
were“ corky, ”and business was business; he was bound 
to take care of Mrs. W. and the babies. ” 

Haywood. Ha, ha, ha, of course, the rascal will sell 
his vote on any question, the whole session, where he 
can find or force a purchaser, It is quite idle for me, 
Elias, to enter this contest. I have only about a dozen 
unpurchasable friends, and they are too few. 

Elias. Well, I am resolved to make the best fight I 
can on you, and take all the chances. I trust the ma¬ 
jority are not in the market. 

Hayivood. Well, do as you please, I am in the hands 
of my friends—but you will find that the result will be 
made by money and bribery. I trust it is unnecessary 
for me to say to you, that if I had a cart-load of sover¬ 
eigns I would not employ them in the purchase of a 
seat in the Senate. Rather than purchase public station 
by bribery I would hide myself in the darkest nooks 
of obscurity forever. 

Elias. I have your sentiments. 

Haywood. How has the Senate fallen ! In all can¬ 
dor, I consider a seat there now no great honor. The 
chances are, that before the expiration of the next 
Congress, one might be sitting by a big, black negro, 
who could not write his name. I have seen the Senate, 
Elias, in the palmy days of its meridian splendor. As 
a member of the great Compromise Congress of 1850, 
I heard the last efforts of the immortal three, Calhoun, 
Clay and Webster. I was present, at the last effort 
of Calhoun in the Senate, and afterwards followed him 
to his grave, as one of the mourners of a sovereign 
State. During the whole session, the voice of that 
great statesman and patriot, Henry Clay, rang out like 
like the notes of a silver trumpet, in fovor of the Com¬ 
promise measures, and the Union. He was 

“One who shook the nations through his lips, and blazed, 

’Til vanquished senates trembled as they praised.” 

I listened to the last great speech of Daniel Webster 
in the Senate in favor of the Compromise measures, 


6 


the Constitution and the Union. It was a triumph 
of eloquence, which Demosthenes alone could have 
equaled. It reminded me of the description of the 
old historian of the popular movements, when the 
Great Athenian orator was to speak, when all 
Attica poured into Athens. When it was known 
that Webster was to speak in the Senate, the cars ran 
all night, and the elite of Boston, New York, and 
Philadelphia poured into Washington; so, that hours 
before the session began the Senate Chamber was 
crowded to suffocation by ladies and gentlemen. 
And when the orator dilated on the advantages of the 
Union and the obligations of the Constitution, one 
might say with the poet: 

“All thoughts, all feelings, all passions, came thronging to his call.” 

It was the only display that I ever witnessed that came 
up to my ideas of Athenian and Roman eloquence. 

He but disgraces himself and his country, who pur¬ 
chases a seat in the hall trod by those forms, while 
their shadows were upon earth. 

Scene 4.— In Room of the Cosmopolitan. 

Enter Posie, a Senatorial Candidate, and his Man¬ 
ager, James Fair play. 

Posie. Well, I am fairly in the fight. I think I shall 
make the trip; although they do say that I have no 
Senatorial talent, and spell God with a little g. There 
is one thing, I can spell Senator with cash. My mine 
is a good electioneering card. It pays and buys. 

Fairplay. You bet; I am an old member of the 
Legislature, and know the easy virtues of these chaps. 
You just give me a plenty of money, and I will pur¬ 
chase your way from the stump up. “Put money in thy 
purse; put money in thy purse. ’ 


ACT II. 

Scene 1 —In the Golden Eagle Hotel. 

Enter Posie and Fairplay. 

Posie. Well, Fairplay, the caucus comes off to-night, 
and we must be busy. What is the state of the market ? 



Fair play. Ranges liigli; about $1,500 in the start. I 
have gratified three or four at that figure. That is 
what the Mexicans call it, ‘ ‘ gratification. ” I went 
after Elias, Hayward’s friend, and head of his ranch. 
I asked him to name his figures, but he said he was 
not in the market; in short, seemed honest. But I 
have put the Assistant Doorkeeper on his track. 

Enter Assistant Doorkeeper. 

Fairplay. Well, what luck? 

Asst Doorkeeper. Some hope; I went to Elias, and 
said, suppose it comes between Castle or Hodges and 
Posie, how would you vote ? He replied, Posie is an 
old line Democrat, and I would vote for him in prefer¬ 
ence. 

Fairplay. Keep nibbling at him, like a mouse at the 
cheese. 

Enter Cut on. 

Fairplay. We have taken the liberty of sending for 
you, to have a little private conversation on the Sena¬ 
torial election. 

Cuton. Well, I always listen to arguments; in short, 
am open to conviction. 

Fairplay. Name your figures, and vote for a sound 
Democrat; vote for Posie. 

Cuton. Well, for a few rounds I must vote for Han- 
derly—am promised; but as he lias no chance, am at 
liberty after that. For two thousand, cash up, you 
know, I might see my way clear. 

Fairplay. It is a whack; here is the cash. (Produces 
a bag, which Cuton pockets, and retires.) 

Scene 2 —In Solomon Blunt’s Boom. 

Enter Solomon Blunt, Elias and Jones. 

Jones. Well, friend Elias, we have thought Blunt 
might as well be Senator, and you can have a couple of 
thousand. (Holds out the cash.) 

Elias. Not on it, Solomon; am for Hayward all the 
time. Now, *let me give you a little advice. You have 
not the ghost of a chance in the fight; better save your 
cash; it will be useful. [Exit Elias.. 


\ 


8 


Scene 3 —In the Orleans. 

Enter Wallack , a Senatorial candidate, and Wheat- 
land, a Representative. 

Wallack. What do you think of the prospect ? Give 
me your candid opinion. 

Wheatland. Well, I think your goose is cooked. We 
have now balloted three nights. You have run up to 
fifteen votes; Hodges, Posie and Castle about the same. 
You can never succeed without a large employment of 
money, and to that I will, as you are aware, never con¬ 
sent. I shall vote against Castle, because I believe he 
has resorted to bribery. It is a monstrous sin and 
shame. It is a growing evil in the Uuited Sates gen¬ 
erally, and in California in particular, and if not re¬ 
sisted, must end in the downfall of Republican gov¬ 
ernment. I think you act wisely, to retire from a con¬ 
test in which you cannot remain honorably, with any 
hope of success. Besides, Hayward will be put in 
nomination to-night, and that withdraws half your 
votes. 

Wallack. Well, I shall withdraw; I authorize you to 
say so. I shall withdraw in favor of Posie. 

Wheatland. Good night. 

Wallack retires to bed. Before he is up, and early 
in the morning, enter Barnes. 

Barnes. Good morning, General. Excuse me for 
disturbing you so early. My name is Barnes; the 
partner of Castle. I assure. you, Mr. Castle appre¬ 
ciates your conduct in this contest; is disposed to be 
your friend. Let bygones be bygones. In short, he 
will place your name on the next Presidential Electoral 
Ticket, and make your political fortunes. You have 
necessarily been at a great deal of expense in this con¬ 
test. If you will transfer your friends to Castle, here 
is a blank check, for your expenses to be filled in at 
your own figures. Castle can afford to be generous. 

Wallack. I have listened patiently to you, Mr. 
Barnes. I judge, from the moral aspect of your prop¬ 
osition, that you are not that Barnes who wrote the 
4 ‘Notes on the Gospels.” I wish, however, to be dis¬ 
tinctly understood on one subject: if there were two 
seats in the Senate, and I could purchase one by giv- 


9 


ing tlie other to Castle, I should decline the bargain. 
Good morning, Mr. Barnes; I commend you to pray¬ 
ers and repentance. [ Exit Barnes. 

Scene in Hodge’s Rancho. 

Enter Spectator and Foxpax. 

Hodges. I am rejoiced to see you, my friends. Fox- 
pax always reminds me of the grand Old Dominion, 
and Spectator of the renowned Addison. Well, how 
goes it ? 

Foxpax. Not well, my lord. 

Spectator. Gold is rising in the California Legis¬ 
lature. 

Hodges. But have you seen your friends of the chiv¬ 
alry ? Have you felt of Jones ? 

Foxpax. Been through him; he is on it. Posie will 
capture him. 

Hodges. And Smith ? 

Foxpax. Been through him; he is on it. It is a 
tight race whether Castle or Posie wins. Highest bid¬ 
der comes out ahead. 

Hodges. And Senator Freeliver ? 

Foxpax. Been through him; he is on it; voted 
for Wallack; was consigned himself afterwards to 
Posie on an advance on cargo, and finally sold to Castle. 
Said to have eight thousand in bank already. Oh, the 
market is active! 

Hodges. And Guilder ? 

Foxpax. Done gone to Castle for $400 before he 
left San Francisco—cheap. 

Hodges. And-. 

Spectator. Castle greased him before he left home. 
No chance for him. He says he has kept his office in 
front of the Bank of California ever since he was 
elected. 

Spectator. In brief, Col., that is the style of many of 
the chivalry in the Legislature. How are the mighty 
fallen! 

Hodges. Bah ! I tell you that, if it comes to a fair 
fight between me und Castle, I shall win. 

Spectator. I hope so; but now I shall tell you a 
thing that will surprise you. Your old Illinois friend, 
San Bernardino, notwithstanding his letter to you, that 



10 


lie would stick by yon as long as you had a shirt to 
your back, will vote for Castle on the last ballot. 

Hodges. Impossible! 

Foxpax. Don’t be too sure, Colonel. “ White man 
mighty unsartain, and nigger will run away. ” That is 
the way they used to put it up in Old Yirginny. I am 
afraid you are gone up the flume. 

Hodges. I am still full of hopes. Since I saw you I 
have had an offer from the enemy to take all my ex¬ 
penses and retire from the contest, which I rejected with 
scorn, and, no doubt, had I bit, it would have been fol¬ 
lowed up by a request, a la Barnes, to fill up a check at 
my own figures. If there was as much danger as you 
imagine, this proposition would not have been made to 
me. Courage, friends; courage. 

Foxpax. Nous verrons , as old Tom Richie used to 
say. 

Scene in the Room of Elias. 

Enter Assistant Door Keeper , in great glee, rubbing 
his hands. 

Door Keeper. Well, you know you told me you pre¬ 
ferred Posie to Hodges, or Castle, so I sold your vote 
to Posie for two thousand dollars; let us divide the 
money. That is the fair thing, you know. 

Elias. What is that, you scoundrel—(seizes him by 
the throat.) If you were not a degraded specter of 
infamy, on the verge of the grave, I would break every 
bone in your body. When I want to sell my vote I can 
find a purchaser myself. Now, sir, know that I will 
not vote for Posie under any circumstances. No, not 
to save his life. 

Door Keeper. Don’t be angry; don’t hurt me; I did 
it all for your own good. 

Elias. For my good, you wretch. Leave my room, 
sir, instantly. (Opens the door and pushes him out.) 


11 


ACT III. 

Scene 1 — In the Ranch of Posie. 

Present, Posie and Fairplay . 

Enter Cuton. 

Cuton. Well, gentlemen, I have come to return that 
money; the thing did’nt set well on my conscience 
Here are the two thousand dollars. (Holds out the 
bag.). 

’ Fairplay. Why, that is most extraordinary. If you 
want more, say so; we can give as much as anybody. 
We had counted on you, Cuton. You don’t give us a 
fair show. Our money is as good as another’s. Pray, 
say what you want. 

Cuton. Nothing the matter, but the sting of con¬ 
science, I assure you. (Cuton lays the money down, 
and leaves. 

Enter Snooks, friend of Posie. 

Fairplay. Cuton has just returned the money; his 
conscience hurts him. 

Snooks. Consience be d—d; that is the last thing 
that will ever trouble him. The secret is, that he has 
already gone over to Castle for more money, and the 
. check has been presented and paid at a Bank in San 
Francisco, of which I have the most incontestable as¬ 
surance. 

Enter Quartz, moneyed friend of Posie. 

Fairplay. How now, Quartz ? Most happy to see you. 
The fact is, the market for votes is high, and still ris¬ 
ing. Must have more ready. 

Quartz. I do not intend to advance another red. I 
am tired; it can’t win. 

Fairplay, (aside.) Then the thing is out. I begin to 
doubt the proverb, ‘ ‘ that an ass -loaded with gold can 
make his way well enough through any city. ” The 
boys will not vote for Posie when a man of education 
and decided talent is against him, like Castle, who bids 
higher with the cash. Solomon and his proverb are 
played out. 

Posie. Yv r ell, Quartz, what do you propose ? 


12 


Quartz. Next thing to a victory is a skillful retreat. 
I see no prospect of your election. The card now is 
to get your money back; that you may do by transfer¬ 
ring your men to Castle. 

Posie. But how is that to be managed ? I am willing 
to retire, under the circumstances. 

Quartz. I am authorized. If you consent, here are 

the checks for the amount, - thousand dollars. 

[Hands them over.] 

Scene 2 —Castle’s Koom at tlie Magnolia. 

Enter Barnes , The Man with the White Hat, and 
Mudville. 

Castle. This thing is getting oppressive; it must be 
closed. Barnes must order up all the deposits. 

Muclville. We must nominate in the caucus to-night. 
It will cost no more to-night than at any other time. 

Castle. You talk wisely, Mudville, and like a man that 
is certain of the San Francisco Custom House. Han- 
derly withdrew night before last, and Haywood will be 
out to-night. There will be a result in the caucus to¬ 
night, and you must be swift of foot all this day. Go, 
my friends, and return like bees, with your thighs 
loaded with votes. [Exit Mudville and White Hat .] 

Enter Col. Jack Walton. 

Walton. White Hat said you wished to confer with 
me. 

Castle. Ah, yes. You are a friend of Posie. The 
fact is, I have an understanding by which the friends 
of Posie are to vote for me. 

Walton. Posie has no power to transfer me. Mr. 
Castle. To be plain with you, business is business, and 
times are corky, and I must take care of Mrs. W. and 
the babies. I shall not vote for you without a cool 
$5,000. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. 

[Castle withdraws. Father Stealthy, a Jesuit Priest, 
enters, goes to the trunk, takes out a bag, 
opens the wardrobe and looks in, peeps under 
the bed, listens at the keyhole of the door, puts 
his fingers in his lips, and hands the bag to 
Walton, who retires.] 

Enter Brown Tulare. 



13 

Tulare. Mr. White Hat informed me that you wished 
to see me. 

Castle. Yes, Mr. Tulare; I have for some time been 
anxious to make your intimate acquaintance. I know 
you are a Southern man. My heart bleeds for those 
poor people down South. I don’t expect to live 
long, but the fondest wish of my heart is to be elected 
to the Senate of the United States, so as to restore 
the Southern States to representation, and raise that 
oppressed people to their just rights. I trust you will 
not ruin your prospects by voting for Posie or Hodges. 

Castle withdraws and White Hat enters. 

White Hat. Well, Tulare, I trust you are convinced 
by the arguments of our great man of the propriety of 
voting for him for the Senate. 

Tulare. He talks well, but I can’t say I am convinced 
that he is the right man in the right place. To be 
frank with you, I have been voting for Haywood, and 
and should prefer Col. Washington to Castle. I am 
not in favor of a War Democrat. 

White Hat. Well, Tulare, name the sum that would 
be convenient for you, in case that you just at this 
time vote for Castle. 

Tulare. My conveniences don’t lie in that direction. 
If Haywood withdraws, I shall vote for Hodges. Good 
morning, Mr. White Hat. 

Re-enter Castle. 

White Hat. No go; Tulare did not bite. Can’t be 
bought, and won’t stand an old Van Buren barnburner. 
He is an honest Chiv. 

Castle. Well, go after Newcomb, Elias and Tullus— 
let us be lively until after the caucus meets to-night. 

\_Exit White Hat. 

Enter Tullus. 

Castle. I am rejoiced to see you, Mr. Tullus. I have 
been anxious for some time to have a free conversation 
with you on the subject of the Senatorial election, 

Tullus. White Hat requested me to call, in your 
name, which is the reason of my visit. 

Castle. I have been in hopes, friend Tullus, that I 
might receive your vote in the end. I assure you that 


14 


I will, in the Senate, if elected, support the rights of 
the South to the utmost of my ability, and urge their 
just claim to immediate Congressional Representation. 
I should be proud if you would link your political fu¬ 
ture with mine. There is nothing in the way of friend¬ 
ship and aid that I am not prepared to promise you. 

Tidlus . As this interview has not been of my own 
seeking, I shall be entirely frank with you, Mr. Castle. 
I understand that you advocated the war and its meas¬ 
ures, until about the time of the nomination of Gen. 
McClellan, and that you were violent in your course. 
I have been a deep sufferer by the war. One sister 
had her house burned almost over her head, was driven 
in exile from her home, and died of her sufferings. 
Another was so outraged by a party of Federal soldiers 
that she died on her own door steps. I must feel con¬ 
fidence that the Senator I support will vote against the 
recognition of any government at the South, establish • 
ed in violation of the Constitution, by force, fraud and 
negro votes. He must resist putting White men under 
the government of ignorant Negroes. No personal or 
pecuniary consideration on earth would induce me to 
vote for a supporter of the war. Good morning Mr. 
Castle. 

Scene —In Haywood’s Kancli. 

Present, Newcomb, Elias and Tulare. Enter 
White Hat. 

White Hat. (Aside.) Come, don’t be incorrigible, 
Newcomb; Castle must have two more votes; would 
prefer three—is prepared to pay any price. Why is it 
not just as well for you, Elias and Tulare to make, say 
about twenty thousand dollars. That would put you 
easy for life ? 

Newcomb. Other gentlemen can do as they please. 
I am not in the market, and I am quite sure that Elias 
and Tulare are above all price. I think you had better 
keep your breath to cool your teeth. You don’t raise 
yourself or Mr. Castle in my estimation. 

White Hat. Well, I shall urge the matter no further. 
I think you are more nice than wise. 

Enter Haywood and exit White Hat. 




15 


Tulare. Well, we have just been the object of a 
most extraordinary mission. I feel quite certain that 
I had only to say the word to have pocketed live thou¬ 
sand. I think we could have sold this rancho from 
under you for at least twenty-live thousand. 

Haywood. Well, gentleman, you have behaved nobly 
amid a sea of corruption. Of course, any one is free 
to act for himself. It is proper for me to say to you, 
that I do not desire to be balloted for in the caucus 
to-night, and as I do not think my real strength is 
above the thirteen votes I have received, I do not seek 
the large complimentary vote which I might obtain on 
the condition of withdrawing, I should prefer that my 
friends would vote quietly for Hodges. I cannot see 
that Templebar has any prospect of success; he is too 
sound a Democrat. In reality, he started with nine 
votes, and has remained in the nine-hole ever since. 
The contest now is really between Castle and Hodges. 
If the caucus had been left to an unbought choice, the 
selection would have fallen on Col. Washington, or 
myself. It is true, that the position of Hodges as to 
the war is similar to that of Castle, but the animus of 
the former is much better. He is firmer of purpose 
and more reliable, as one of the pilots in the storm, 
which I foresee, the Ship of State is likely to encoun¬ 
ter. Moreover, so far as I know or believe, Hodges 
has not used money in this contest, for the purchase of 
votes. That fact alone would induce me to give him 
my support. Bribery in elections is an infamy which 
must be crushed out, or the Republic itself will fall as 
Rome did, beneath the weight of this corruption. No 
man who resorts to it must be permitted to enjoy the 
wages of his iniquity. It is just, that the disgrace of 
it should fall on its author, instead of the whole Demo¬ 
cratic party and the State. 

Scene —In Castle’s Ranch. 

Enter MudviUe, two Negroes and a Chinaman. 

Mudville. Allow me, Mr. Castle, to present to you a 
delegation from our colored brethren in San Fran¬ 
cisco and Sacramento; and also our friend John, late 
from the Celestial Empire, but now of San Francisco. 
Mr. Sambo of San Francisco, Mr. Castle; Mr. Castle, 
Mr. Sambo. 


16 


Castle. Tlirice welcome, men and brothers ; it re¬ 
joices me to see you with an exceeding great joy. The 
glorious time of the universal fatherhood of God, and 
the universal brotherhood of man is beginning to 
dawn. 

Mudville. Allow me to present Mr. Juba, the colored 
delegate of the colored men of San Francisco, and a 
Southern freed man. 

Castle. Delighted to welcome you to California, since 
you have escaped from the house of bondage. (Aside, 
he is colored, sure enough. The overflow of the Sacra¬ 
mento has not washed him much.) 

Juba. The colored men of Frisco and Sac. City has 
just sent you some dust; but, fust, say to us how 
you is on the Construction. Dat’s what de colored 
men told us. 

Sambo. Yes, Mr. Castle, we wish, before we deliver, 
to know how you' stand on the great Re-construction 
Measures. 

Castle. (Aside, how the devil shall I manage this ? 
I told the caucus in my speech, that I was opposed 
to the Re-construction Measures, and Negro and 
Chinese suffrage. I will fool them with platitudes.) 
Oh, gentlemen, I am the friend of the colored man. 
I have already said, I consider him a man and a 
brother. The Deity could have intended no dif¬ 
ference in men founded on mere color. What can be 
more opposed to Christianity and true philosophy? 
In my Church white and black, the prince and the peas¬ 
ant, all kneel together at the same altar. I am opposed 
to all aristocratic social distinctions. I would as soon 
my son would marry a negro wench as any other— 
(aside, provided there was no other way for me to get 
to the Senate.) Mr. Sambo, when my own Church is 
out in San Francisco I often pass up by the African 
Church and pause with delight, while they sing: 

“ The Lord, he lobed dat nigger well, 

’Case he knew dat nigger by de smell. ” 

Juba. Massa Eugene talks like a book. 

Sing Lee is led forward by Mudville. 

Castle. I am overjoyed to meet you, son of the 
Celestial Empire, and countryman and disciple of the 


17 

great Confucius. (Embraces him and becomes en¬ 
tangled in John’s tail.) 

Sing Lee . Chinaman send de dollar, Mr. Castle; 
Chinaman got de dollar; how you like de dollar, Mr. 
Castle ? 

Castle. Eight well, my lily of the flowery kingdom. 
1 find the dollars useful just now. I have ascertained, 
to my cost, that the Chivalry dote on the almighty dol¬ 
lar. Their Secessionism melts before it like the snow 
beneath the Summer’s sun. 

Sing Lee. Suppose you elect, Mr. Castle; you be the 
friend of Chi naman; you make Chinaman all one, all 
one same as ’Melican man ? 

Castle. John, 3 am bet. If I go to the Senate, John, 
the Chinaman will be the apex of the great re-con¬ 
structed pyramid of humanity. He will be on the top 
of the 4 ‘regenerated Democracy,” John. \Exeunt .] 

Scene —In the Orleans. 

Present, Col. Jack Walton , the night after the nom¬ 
ination. 

Walton , (to the Servant.) Oh, I am deadly sick; run 
for General Phineas. I am going to die. 

Enter Phineas, in haste. 

Gen. Phineas. Make haste for the nearest Doctor. 

Walton. It is no use, General, I am going; my time 
has come. General, take this bag of money from un¬ 
der my pillow, and count it. 

Gen. Phineas. It is five thousand dollars, all told. 

Walton. That is right. I sent $1,000 home to my 
wife, and bet another thousand off at faro. That and 
the $5,000 are all I won at the Senatorial game. When 
you go home, give that to my poor wife. 

Enter Doctor Squills. 

Gen. Phineas . Do, dear Doctor, do something to 
save this poor fellow. He has a mighty nice wife and 
children. 

(Doctor feels his pulse, looks at his tongue, and 
examines him.) 

Doctor. You have been drinking whisky, you rascal. 
Case of delirium tremens, General. Has had the “ man 
with the poker ” after him. Will give him a dose that 


will save him this time, but he travels on the next fit. 

(Administers a potion; patient revives, looks round, 
and rubs his eyes open.) 

Walton. I say, General, I have changed my mind; 
am not going to die this time. Will trouble you for 
that money, if you please. Have concluded to give it 
to my wife myself, if the “tiger” don’t scratch it out of 
me before I get home. 

Gen. Phineas. I trust you will live to repent. And 
may any man who has purchased a place in the United 
States Senate with vile gold live to be indignantly 
ejected from his seat, under the gaze of that august 
assembly, fixed on him in scorn and contempt. This 
business must undergo investigation. It is confidently 
asserted in political circles, and generally believed, 
that not less than two hundred thousand dollars have 
been expended in bribes during this Senatorial contest. 
Under the law of 1863, not only a bribe to a member 
of the Legislature, but an offer to a member of a 
legislative caucus is a State Prison offense for a term 
not less than one year nor more than ten years. If 
justice is done, the Penitentiary will soon claim its 
own, and several ambitious politicians be placed where 
they will have an opportunity to learn a trade more 
honest than bribery. The nomination of the Demo¬ 
cratic caucus, by a vote of 44 to 24, is a fact of too 
much significance to pass without inquiry. 


.1ST O T E . 

It is not the purpose of the writer of this piece to 
carry on the war by means of a masked battery. He 
courts Judicial investigation, or Legislative inquiry, 
either before the Legislature of the State, or the Sen¬ 
ate of the United States. Any Senatorial candidate 
who desires anything else, may get at the author by 
enclosing his authenticated card to the “Author of 
Bribery, ” and leaving it in the Postoffice. A friend of 
the author will wait on the gentleman at once. 



ADDENDUM. 


Thk Author withheld this publication under the advice 
of political friends. A press, known to be under the influ¬ 
ence of the successful candidate, lias virtually made it pub¬ 
lic by alluding to it, and giving the name of the supposed 
Author. The object must be apparent: it renders publi¬ 
cation necessary. There was no secret in preferring this 
charge. As soon as it was printed, a copy was shown to 
the successful candidate, and the name of the Author 
given, with his consent. Conscious innocence would have 
indignantly demanded an investigation at once. Instead 
of that, his confidential friends have opposed investiga¬ 
tion by the Legislature, and the resolution lias been given 
a direction which they suppose lias smothered inquiry. 
They will be disappointed. The only facts stated in this 
piece—that bribes offered by persons supposed to be 
agents of the candidate, and refused by members of the 
Legislature, are given on the information of members, and 
the reception in other cases, is stated on information be¬ 
lieved to be true. The Author will make no affidavit, be¬ 
cause he could only do sO on information and belief, which 
would not be sufficient under the resolution. He, how¬ 
ever, notifies Mr. Casserly, that there are three courses 
open to him. A prompt vindication on his own demand of 
investigation ; an immediate resignation ; or the chances 
of an expulsion by the United States Senate. 

It is proper to add, that in this piece no reflection is in¬ 
tended on the Catholic Church, whose conservative course 
is appreciated by no one, more than by the Author.. Nor is any 
imputation intended on the Catholic Clergy as a body. It 
can boast of such men as the good Arch-Bishop of San 
Francisco, illustrious for piety and virtue. They are the 
last men to sanction corruption. But, as for political 
Jesuit Priests, any more than other political priests, the 
Author does not disguise his detestation. 



















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